My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
