Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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