I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
