i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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