He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Randomize
