Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
