Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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