I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
