Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Randomize
