Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I have already put on my inside pants.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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