So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
