soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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