Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
