But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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