Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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