So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
