Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
