He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
