Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
