I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
