Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
