sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
