Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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