Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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