Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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