You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
