Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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