Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
