i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Randomize
