We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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