did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
