forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
