if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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