I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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