I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
