I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
