hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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