Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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