While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize