I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
