Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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