it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
