girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
