I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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