I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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