I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
