Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
