Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
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