I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
