moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
