ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
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