Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
