dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
