you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
