do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
