look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
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