If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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