why didn't you poke me back
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
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