we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
