the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
