At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Randomize
