operation have a gay friend backfired
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
It was like giving head to a cactus.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
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