carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
God, I missed his penis.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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