so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
