I think I am morally bankrupt
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
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