is your mom at the bar?
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
