Are we in a gay sports bar?
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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