So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
