I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
