My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
