Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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