Don't you send me to vm
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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