I hate all girls vehemently.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
