She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
