I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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