Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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