break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
